Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

Friend

    • Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.

    Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"

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    • Car

    • I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

    I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"

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    • Chess Game

    • This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.

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    • Train

    • German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.

    American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.

    African XP farms: Cotton field.

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    • Dog

    • Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?

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    • Sister

    • When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?

    Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!

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    • Ass

    • I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.

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    • Girlfriend

    • A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

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    • Gender

    • Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*

    Me: Uh, male?..

    Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*

    Me: You silly goose.

    *Silence for like three seconds*

    Me: Still male though-

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