Morbid Jokes

How to kill a blond put a scratch & sniff in a pool]

Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To get to the other side (suicide)

Why did the second hedgehog cross the road? To see his flatmate

My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin. At least now I can have his phone he left.

Today I ate out my girlfriend.......Jefrrey Dahmer style

2 guys are captured by native chinese they give them 2 choices 1. Death 2. 他妈的 The first guy: what's 他妈的? The chinese fucking The first guy chooses death Second guy to himself: well ill let this sick fucks fuck me at least ill be alive... The chinese :come on we don't have all day Second guy:i chose 他妈的 The chinese: ok 他妈的 to the death

So my mom has hit me with a flip flop when i was bad and when i cheated on my girl right when the other girl came in a flip flop came flying in the room

When Chinese baby’s are born they should put “MADE FROM CHINA”.

What’s red blonde and wet

Saskia in grain

A man sacrificed children who played Roblox so when someone knocked on the door, they said "An administrator has banned you from heaven"

I speak for the trees * Trees whisper in my ear* They said six million wasn't enough

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it

Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? Its called Trycoxagain.

mother got shot, damn father got shot, damn sister got shot, damn brother got shot, damn auntie running away with a shot gun

Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.

Joker: Knock knock... Batman: Who's there? Joker: Not your parents!

Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other.

What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter? My last if she knows what's good for her.

Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner." The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus. The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz. The third lady says, "I never had a husband." The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo." They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying. The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse." "How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"