Morbid jokes
Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing? Everywhere.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.
You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
There's 3 things I hate.
1. Jokes
2. Lists
3. Irony.
Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.
A little boy was given a bicycle and a soccer ball for his birthday, but why was the little boy unhappy?
Because the little boy had no legs.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.