Morbid jokes
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.
What is a kidnapper’s favorite shoe?
White Vans.
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
What did the doctor say to the Chinese patient? "Sum ting wong."
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.
Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.
Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?
I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.
If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
Why did Billy drop his ice cream?
'Cause he got hit by a bus.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.