Morbid jokes
What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
Would you like to try African food?
They would too.
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
Joke.
How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.
I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
Penis.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost two towers.
Donald Trump.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
Dick.