Morbid jokes

What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?

A baby in the microwave!

An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.

Wanna hear a joke? You.

Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face as you climax.

Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!

pussi

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."

What do you call black people in pool?

Coco Pops.

How did Princess Diana cross the road?

Through the windshield!

Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.

I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.

Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?

A: I'd hit that.

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.

My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.

Why did the kid named Jeff become gay? Because he grew up without a father figure. Hahaha, I love dark humor!