Morbid jokes
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What is the best part of twenty-one year olds?
There's twenty of them.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A baby in 10 trash cans.
Well, I don't have a joke but... I have a poem.
My dick is red, your pussy is blue. I... lied to you.
What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?
Cot death.
Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
Wanna hear a joke? You.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!