Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

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Baby

  • What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?

    You can't fuck a rock.

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    Stereotype

  • Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!

    Women, go chop some lumber!

    White people, get back into the cotton fields!

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    Mom

  • When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

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    Angel

  • Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."

    The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.

    The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.

    The third lady says, "I never had a husband."

    The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."

    They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.

    The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."

    "How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"

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    Missionary

  • A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"

    One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."

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