Morbid jokes
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
A baby seal walked into a club.
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
At least Africans don't have to worry about food critics.
What's the difference between sand and food? Africans have plenty of sand.
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?
The dinosaur once existed.
So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?
The blond because she had to ask for directions.
Why were the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered Dominos and got Jets.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
We don't got sluts in the South, we got NATS: Nasty Ass Traveling Sluts.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Two gay lovers find out they are brothers.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
One man's trash is another man's treasure.
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
What did Cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...