What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
Monster: “I will devour your family.”
Orphan: “Oh.”
What is Godzilla’s least favorite ball?
A King Kong ball.
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.
Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?
She said a monster attacked her.
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?
They don't have a dad to check the closet.
What sank the Titanic?
GODZILLA!
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
TITANic
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
I remember last year all these bitches called me lame so I stopped the simping and pretended I was gay, now I think they're all fucking with me.
I'm an LGBTQ imposter got cut last year know I've made the roster and you may think I'm a monster. I'm just just tryna see some titties.
I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.
What has 8 heads and no legs? A monster
What spooky creature has children?
Mummies.
What is a monster's favorite place to swim?
Lake Erie!
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
A man came up to a girl about to jump off a cliff. The man said, "Why?" She then replies, "There are many monsters in this world, and I am one of them."
