Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?
Roses are red violets are blue when i saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too
If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?
Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
Monkey monkey monkey monkey.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.
Why did the monkey 🐒 take his banana 🍌 to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
What is a monkey’s 🐒 favorite dance move?
The banana 🍌 split.
Roses are red, Your blood is too. You look like a monkey and belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too, Not in a cage but laughing at you!
Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.
One day a cow ate a fish.
What came out the other side?
A dead fish.
What is yellow and smells like bananas?
Why are monkeys funny? Because they look weird.
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.
No, seriously,
I'm right behind ya.
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
