Mom's jokes

Me: Where's your mom?

Kid: [cries]

Me: [leaving from the adoption center]

In America, mom births you.

In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.

My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢

Your mom was so fat that she couldn't have a man and couldn't go through the door.

I'M JOKING, DON'T GET MAD!

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

The thing my mom birthed.

Your mom uses the equator as a belt.

Your mom is so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

Orphanage kid: You’re ugly!

Kid with mother: Your mom!

Why are you so fat? I bet you take after your mom more.

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

I accidentally said, "Go cry to your mom," to an orphan. 😭

Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.

Dad: Honey!

Mom: What?

Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.

Mom: WHAT!?

Children: *staring*