Mom's jokes
My mom picked my major.
The way you are so ugly your parents even regret the day you were born.
The way you are so black when your mom is bathing you in the dark, she has to put flour in the water to see you.
🤣🤣🤣
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
Mom found a mirror in the garden and said, "I'll show you a real picture!"
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
I forgot to tell Alicia I saw her mom a couple days ago.
In a porn video!
My bully to his mom after getting "cooked" by me: "Mama, I can't find my hairline!"
My bully. 😭
My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."
When Sally was little, she came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, I can't believe it! Little John collects Pimmel at school."
Mom: "No?"
"Like in heaven?" said the mother.
"No, juice," Sally said.
I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
Your mom is so fat, she looks like she ate the marshmallow from Ghostbusters.
My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!
What do a banana and shampoo have in common?
Ur mom.
My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.