Mom's jokes
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
Your mom is so fat, she looks like she ate the marshmallow from Ghostbusters.
The way you are so ugly your parents even regret the day you were born.
The way you are so black when your mom is bathing you in the dark, she has to put flour in the water to see you.
🤣🤣🤣
Your mama is so ugly, when she went to the circus they thought she was Pennywise, Mom.
What does the mom (or terrorists, fuck that) say for the (twin) towers to eat?
Open wide, here comes the plane!
Memes
xbox
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
You look like your mom and your dad had a child.
NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.
MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
What do a banana and shampoo have in common?
Ur mom.
Why did your mom cross the road?
You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
My mom picked my major.
My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.