Mom's jokes

Why are you so fat? I bet you take after your mom more.

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

The thing my mom birthed.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

I accidentally said, "Go cry to your mom," to an orphan. 😭

Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

Your mom was so fat that she couldn't have a man and couldn't go through the door.

I'M JOKING, DON'T GET MAD!

Your mom uses the equator as a belt.

Dad: Honey!

Mom: What?

Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.

Mom: WHAT!?

Children: *staring*

Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣

Your mom is so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

What's the difference between a God and my mom?

My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."

Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”

Son: “To the playground?”

Mom: “No, to the morgue.”

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

Your mom is emo, Deacon.