Mom's jokes

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

Your mom is so hairy that King Kong got jealous of her.

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To slide into your mom's bed.

What's your mom on?

Deez nuts!

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

When you see your mom.

Me: bruh

Her: Are you serious right now bro?

Me: Yeah no shit.

Her: *slaps me*

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

So you mom call she side when Covin come home?

Roses are red, violets are blue, people think that you’re fat, until they saw your mom.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

My mom loves balls.

But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"