Mom's jokes

You and your mom.

One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"

How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

I fucked your mom.

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”

Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

Your hairline is so bad, I do your mom so hard!

Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!

Roses are red, violets are blue.

Your mom is fat and so are you.

The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)

Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.

I love my mom.

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly.

My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"

You're so ugly not even your mom thinks you're beautiful.