Mom's jokes

One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"

I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"

How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

I fucked your mom.

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”

Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”

Your hairline is so bad, I do your mom so hard!

Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!

Roses are red, violets are blue.

Your mom is fat and so are you.

My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."

I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)

I love my mom.

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly.

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

I ate my mom.

Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"

Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?

Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.

Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?

Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.

Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I took the trash to the recycling bin, and two days later, my mom asked me, "Where's your sister?" I said, "In the recycling line to be turned into a bottle."