Mom jokes

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

Why did your mom cross the road?

Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.

Yo mom is so fat that when she stands on a scale, she broke it, lol.

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

Me: I hit an orphan!

Mom: OMG WHY?

Me: Not like they can tell their parents-

You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."

Your mother.

Depression: Here, your mom just died.

Me: My mom is already dead.

My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?

Divorced.

Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

Why did the strawberry cry?

Her mom was in a jam.

"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."

I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart!

She’s so therapeutic.

When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!

Hi Mom, how are you doing?