Mom jokes

Your mother.

Depression: Here, your mom just died.

Me: My mom is already dead.

Ur mom.

Oops my bad! 😬

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."

Me: I hit an orphan!

Mom: OMG WHY?

Me: Not like they can tell their parents-

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

Your mom's a whore, and so are you!

I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"

Mom replied with, "That's your father."

Yo mom is so fat that when she stands on a scale, she broke it, lol.

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?

Divorced.

Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.