Mom jokes
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
Me: I hit an orphan!
Mom: OMG WHY?
Me: Not like they can tell their parents-
Guys, can we stop this stupid drama? I just wanna post my "Doin' Your Mom" lyrics and funny jokes! Please stop it!
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All I got was dust and my mom's wig.
Your mom shat you out after having Taco Bell. That’s why she calls you a little shat.
I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.
Hey, Mom, I am ugly.
"Facts," my mom says.
Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
My step mom walked in naked once. I sky rocketed that day. I was 12.
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.
Orphan: But I don't have a mom!
"Squid Game" doll be like: "Gugu la gu, your mom, my balls!"
Mom: I saw John Cena at WWE.
Son: No way, you can’t see him though.
Mom: God!
Son: What?
Mom: You watch too much reality TV (comes to smack butt).
Son: Also because I’m John Cena.
Mom: Where, where’d ya go?
John Cena: Hey, Mom.
Mom: I’m only 31, you’re 42.
Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a day?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a year?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Knock knock.
Mom: Who's there?
Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.
A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
I love my mom.
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.