Mom jokes

My mom said you failed school. I said, "Don't be surprised, I'm a retard, Mom."

I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.

Your mom #69.

What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.

I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"

Mom replied with, "That's your father."

Why do orphans not like jokes?

Because they hate your "mom" and "dad" joke because they miss their parents. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

If you're mad, go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their mom?

Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"

Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

Mom: When?

Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

Mom: Sooo?

Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

Mom: WHAT!!!??!!

So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"

When your mom fell down, a 10 magnitude earthquake shook the Earth.

If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.

Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

Your mom's a whore, and so are you!

Why are orphans so sad?

Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."