Misunderstanding jokes
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.
Kid: Why?
Dad: So you won't get bored.
Memes
Lol same
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
I love rap!
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Imagine Africans during a solar eclipse...
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)