Mishap jokes
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!
Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
I tried to catch the fog, but I mist.
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each was granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said, "I wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"
Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?
Because he lost his balance!
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.