Miscellaneous jokes

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

Did Jesus die virgin? Nope, he got nailed before he died.

Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"

Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"

Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."

"Where ya going?"

"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."

I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.

I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia. So I ended up doing the YMCA.

What's worse than funny condom fails?

Jake Paul.

I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

I'mma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, you gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!

So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.

I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.

What is the definition of GAY?

Thunwa :D

I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know.

What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?

You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!

My sex life.

What do you call an angry shopper?

A cuss-tomer.

WTF is wrong with you guys? This is bullying. Stop it, please, but Shaenaya sounds like a good name.

Three Jewish people walk into a bar.

I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.

What's the difference between a noodle and a scaboodle fladooodle?