Miscellaneous jokes
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
Q: Why can't skeletons go to the dance?
A: He doesn't have the guts for it.
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's a-peeling!
What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?
A Royale with cancer.
How do chemists laugh?
HeHe.
One time there was a squirrel who died.
It was funny because the squirrel got dead.
What do you call Link when he is hurt?
A link to the cast.
What do you call vampire Matt Damon?
Bat Damon!
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What do skeletons hate the most about wind?
Nothing, it goes right through them.
When you send a dick pic and she sends one back,
I'm glad mine is the biggest, so I get to fuck my dad again.
What is a "dad?"
Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
Your Fortnite win rate.
I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.
There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
The three unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. 3.
Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!