Miscellaneous jokes
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. That's my best friend.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
Your family.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut.
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
19 and 20 had a fight. 21.
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
I wank over Rose Watson.
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone-appetit!
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
I’m bone to be wild!
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.
I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.