Miscellaneous jokes

Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.

I'd make a joke about corn, but it's too corny.

Then again, I could make a joke about eyes, but that would be even cornea. My funny bone is broken. I guess it was because those jokes were too humerus.

Follow me on Instagram @v2good.at.fortnite and @v2good.at.edits for a surprise.

Btw, you have to like all my posts :)

So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.

I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.

I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.

Lettuce ketchup.

I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.

My dad.

One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.

A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”

I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

To fuck the chicken.

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.

Your face.

Want to hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it's too cheesy.

What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?

"Coincidence on 34th Street."

If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.