Miscellaneous

Miscellaneous jokes

Drunk

    • "I wasn't that drunk yesterday."

    "Oh boy, you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

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    • Dad

    • The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

    Gang

    • What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?

    The "Ching Chang Gang."

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    • Fish

    • What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.

    What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.

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    • Kid

    • What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

    Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

    Time

    • This one time I said to a person that they are dry, then I was wet (ba dum tiss).

    My bully said I have to shut up. I said, "Shut down" (ba dum tiss).

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    • Albert Einstein

    • When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

    “I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

    When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

    Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

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