Miscellaneous jokes
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My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, βI will not get those implanted in my leg.β I guess she just doesnβt associate with knee gears.
I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.
My dad is a pussy.
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.
One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"
The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"
Some people decide to start a blog.
Others decide to start a blog.
You know what my sink started?
A clog.
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. π
Whatβs red, gold, and blank in Las Vegas?
Tupac
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
So, the sea is on a computer but doesn't know how to search, so the computer said to the sea, "Search!"
Do you get it? SEArch.
Donald Trump is, like, really orange.
You know we straight with doin' your mom.
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?
She started her period.
Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!
Why do Asians donβt wear contacts? Cause they canβt fitt.
We cut and kill flowers because they're pretty.
We cut and kill ourselves because we are not.