Miscellaneous jokes
In the words of Kerk Cobane: "Check this sweet no scope!"
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
Once a mustang, always a mustang. - Mr. Shaw
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
I wish my lawn was emo, so I would not have to cut it, it would cut itself.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
I once did an exam on rainbows. I passed with flying colors.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker?
Hop in!
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
Why don't you shower with a Pokemon? He might Pikachú.
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.