Miscellaneous jokes
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
An Irishman walked past a bar.
Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?
She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.
My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
I once did an exam on rainbows. I passed with flying colors.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker?
Hop in!
Why don't you shower with a Pokemon? He might Pikachú.
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.