Miscellaneous jokes
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.
What do you call a fish with no legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Break!
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
If a sped is late for class, is it wrong to call them tardy?
I keep getting ads about belly fat.
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
Yes.
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
Answer: The table part.
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Kill yourself, hoes!
I was doin' your mom, yes yours!
Whoever is deleting my messages, comment and say why!
Hi Trent!
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
What goes in soft and comes out hard?
Gum, you whore!
What's the difference between a grape and an elephant?
I don't know, what?
They are both purple except for the elephant.