Miscellaneous jokes
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
The three unwritten rules of life:
1. 2. 3.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
19 and 20 had a fight. 21.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...