Your life
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
My life.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
Look in a mirror.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
What is the capital of Greece? -- About 10 dollars.
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?
Because the sign says "No Tres passing."
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.
