Mind

Mind Jokes

few jokes (sorry if they have already been used.) 1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall. 3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks. 4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans. 5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course! 6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here." 7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler. 8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights

What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers ... ...

Their knees *Ba dum tss*

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Heres a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions- My buddies think I'm on the lake Boss thinks I've been sick for days And mama's probably on her way 'Cause I ain't picked up the phone I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Took a trip down memory lane Checked into hotel heartbreak Passed rock bottom on the way Without leaving my living room I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Yeah I've been gone All the clothes are on the floor All the mail's by the door All the whiskey bottles in my bed All the dishes in the sink All the gas is in the tank All the neighbors probably think I'm dead I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh) I've been gone (ooh, ooh) Gone

My dad...came over late at night...he was drunk...he started telling me how useless I was...then I went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the chest 47 times......3 minutes later......he died........now Iā€™m losing mind..and cutting myself....

As Iā€™m lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:

Angel: This wonā€™t last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.

Devil: Did she just twitch?

A: No. She didnā€™t twitch.

D: I think I saw her finger twitch.

A: Well, even if it did, itā€™s her thigh the techs are aiming at.

D: She wants to scratch her face.

A: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.

D: But her cheek has an itchy spot.

A: She can just let it itch. She doesnā€™t need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.

D: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...

A: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliverā€™s smile...

D: How about a song?

A: Good idea!

D: How about... ā€œNever going to give you up. Never going to let you down....ā€šŸŽ¶

A: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! Sheā€™s in the middle of a treatment! You know thatā€™s the only part she knows!

D: Thatā€™s okay. Sheā€™ll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....

A: Donā€™t be so mean!

D: ā€œNever going to give you up...šŸŽ¶ā€

A: Stop it!

D: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!

A: No, she didnā€™t.

D: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....

A: She didnā€™t screw anything up!

D: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!

A: Thatā€™s not how it works...

D: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor wonā€™t get enough radiation.

A: They know what they are doing!

D: ...And it wonā€™t shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.

A: No! No! No! Thatā€™s not how any of this...

D: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.

A: Stop this right now!!

D: ā€œNever going to give you up....šŸŽ¶ā€

A: Stop!

D: ā€œ...never going let you down....šŸŽ¶ā€

A: Iā€™m not going to let you...

D: ā€œNever going to give you up...šŸŽ¶ā€ .

Techs: Okay. Thatā€™s it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?

Tammi: ...Oh, Iā€™m fine.....

After I am dead during my funeral service I want some one to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club " Church of the Poison Mind"

1st graders: ay yo girl I think youā€™re beautiful letā€™s get married!! 2nd graders: uhh donā€™t tell my mom that weā€™re dating!! She wonā€™t let me date! Letā€™s keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee. 3rd graders: uh my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and Iā€™m 9 years old, we have to break up sweetie. 4th graders: hey I think youā€™re cute!! Wanna date? I donā€™t think my girlfriend will mind....... 5th graders(they start wearing makeup): ay girl your eyelashes are pretty I like you now, wanna date? Hereā€™s my numberrrrrr. 6th graders: heyyyyy I gotta tell you a secret I got a crush on you!! Donā€™t tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh Iā€™ll text you later! 7th graders: we need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, youā€™re not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy alright bye now 8th graders: hi sweetheart I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....