Why do people make orphan jokes... their parents will get mad... oh wait, never mind please continue
Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind
your mama's so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind
few jokes (sorry if they have already been used.) 1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall. 3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks. 4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans. 5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course! 6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here." 7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler. 8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights
Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind it's tearable.
What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers ... ...
Their knees *Ba dum tss*
what was the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
their ankles.
lololol get it they fell from like 100 feet
Your fore head is so big mega mind gets jealous
Heres a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions- My buddies think I'm on the lake Boss thinks I've been sick for days And mama's probably on her way 'Cause I ain't picked up the phone I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Took a trip down memory lane Checked into hotel heartbreak Passed rock bottom on the way Without leaving my living room I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Yeah I've been gone All the clothes are on the floor All the mail's by the door All the whiskey bottles in my bed All the dishes in the sink All the gas is in the tank All the neighbors probably think I'm dead I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh) I've been gone (ooh, ooh) Gone
I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Want to hear a paper joke
Never mind itās to terrible
My dad...came over late at night...he was drunk...he started telling me how useless I was...then I went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the chest 47 times......3 minutes later......he died........now Iām losing mind..and cutting myself....
As Iām lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:
Angel: This wonāt last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.
Devil: Did she just twitch?
A: No. She didnāt twitch.
D: I think I saw her finger twitch.
A: Well, even if it did, itās her thigh the techs are aiming at.
D: She wants to scratch her face.
A: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.
D: But her cheek has an itchy spot.
A: She can just let it itch. She doesnāt need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.
D: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...
A: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliverās smile...
D: How about a song?
A: Good idea!
D: How about... āNever going to give you up. Never going to let you down....āš¶
A: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! Sheās in the middle of a treatment! You know thatās the only part she knows!
D: Thatās okay. Sheāll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....
A: Donāt be so mean!
D: āNever going to give you up...š¶ā
A: Stop it!
D: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!
A: No, she didnāt.
D: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....
A: She didnāt screw anything up!
D: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!
A: Thatās not how it works...
D: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor wonāt get enough radiation.
A: They know what they are doing!
D: ...And it wonāt shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.
A: No! No! No! Thatās not how any of this...
D: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.
A: Stop this right now!!
D: āNever going to give you up....š¶ā
A: Stop!
D: ā...never going let you down....š¶ā
A: Iām not going to let you...
D: āNever going to give you up...š¶ā .
Techs: Okay. Thatās it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?
Tammi: ...Oh, Iām fine.....
Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny
After I am dead during my funeral service I want some one to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club " Church of the Poison Mind"
Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk? Alps clear the mind! Haha
1st graders: ay yo girl I think youāre beautiful letās get married!! 2nd graders: uhh donāt tell my mom that weāre dating!! She wonāt let me date! Letās keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee. 3rd graders: uh my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and Iām 9 years old, we have to break up sweetie. 4th graders: hey I think youāre cute!! Wanna date? I donāt think my girlfriend will mind....... 5th graders(they start wearing makeup): ay girl your eyelashes are pretty I like you now, wanna date? Hereās my numberrrrrr. 6th graders: heyyyyy I gotta tell you a secret I got a crush on you!! Donāt tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh Iāll text you later! 7th graders: we need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, youāre not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy alright bye now 8th graders: hi sweetheart I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....