Mind jokes

After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."

Did you hear the rumors about butter?

Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.

Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tear-able.

You wanna hear an Indian egg joke? (yeah-)

Never mind. You won't understand.

Twitter just blew my mind.

I was having a blast until I ended the stream with a bang!

So Stephen Hawking walked into a grocery store.

Never mind.

I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.

Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Have you heard the joke about the paper?

Never mind, it's tear-able.

Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?

Alps clear the mind! Haha.

Let me tell you a joke about pizza!

Never mind...

It's too cheesy.

It wasn't Islam that radicalized the terrorists who did 9/11.

Jenga comes to mind, though!

Guy: Are you tired?

His “Crush”: No.

Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?

His “Crush”: That’s sweet.

Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

Your hairline is so deep people can see what you're thinking.

I had something about tripping over ice.

Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.

So Jessie Waters goes on TV without a gallon of hair gel. Oh wait, never mind!

New Windex ad:

You should get Windex for that dirty mind!

Hey, can I tell you a joke about pencils? Never mind, it's pointless.

I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"

He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"

"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.