Michael Jokes

Michael Vick is coming to town, hide your dogs!

Michael Jackson is like a TV from the 1900s: black and white.

What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Kids turn them on.

Who's white and has a big penis? Michael Jackson.

What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?

They both come in small can.

Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.

God: *SILENCE*

Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!

God: *SILENCE*

Even Michael Jordan can't dunk from your hairline! 🤣🤣

Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.

Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?

He made a hit and run!

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?

What would you call a cover for your cock?

Why did Michael Jackson run?

Because he lost his glove.

Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.

Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.

That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )

Why is Michael Jackson so weak?

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

Son: “Mom, is there a thing called «friendship» between a man and a woman?”

Mother: “No Son, unless if he’s gay.”

Son: “So your friend is gay?”

Mother with herself: «How did he see me with michael omg if my husband discovered my cheating he will kill me»

Mother: “Mmm.. Yes.”

Father loudly: “YES!!!”

Mother: “What in the hell? Are you gay?”

Father with himself: «Am i an idiot why did i yell?! if she discovered I’m gay and her son was made by Paul’s semens she will kill me»

Father: “No what are saying? I’m just talking with myself.”

*A few hours later*

Mother: “I will go to visit my mother.”

Father: “Me too I will go to visit my mother.”

Son: “Not me too I will go to stud with my friends.”

The mother and the father goes to michael’s house and they found their son playing with Michael and Paul is recording them and saying: «that’s why I love you my actual son oh only if your mother knows».

*The End* :D

What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.

So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.

Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.