So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
Hey Gwen, next time you're online can you go to "son jokes".
I commented back to you and portory.
I hate you—if you look at the first letters of the words, you'll know what I mean.
Interfischl
Happy
Apple
Tea
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
What happens when an alien connects with your device?
The alien says on your device: ".-- . / - .-. .- ...- . .-.. / ..-. .-. --- -- / -- .- -. -.-- / -- .- -. -.-- / --. .- .-.. .- -..- -.-- ..."
I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.
The sign on their gate says:
"Clothed Until Further Notice."
The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."
One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.
What is mail? Boring.
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.
Most annoying thing...
When we send something in WhatsApp thinking our friend is online but can only see two grey ticks...
Cam was hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
Whoever is deleting my messages, comment and say why!
I just got a text on my cell. Bone be right back ;)
When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Open your legs and give me an hour.
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
