Menu jokes
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite thing to eat from? The children's menu.
What do you call it when a man wants food in Panera?
Panera bread serving food.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
Where do you order nonbinary pizza?
Little xe/xyrs.
A couple enters a Chinese restaurant and takes their seats.
The waiter asks, "想吃什么 (Xiang Chi Shen Ma)?"
The wife responds, "吃鸡巴 (Chi Ji Ba)!"
Say "I hop in this:".
I made you eat your peas! 🤦
Why do dwarfs hate fast food restaurants? Cause most of them have medium and large.
A sandwich walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
Waiter: Can I have your order?
Me: No, it’s mine!
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
"Waiter, my steak is too skinny."
"It's a strip steak, sir."
"At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
Where does the keyboard go to dinner? The space bar.