Mental Health jokes

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

What did the orphan say to the crippled man?

I suffer from crippling depression.

Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.

It’s called Enditol.

Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"

Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."

You learn from the best.

My heart says to stop because it hurts.

Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.

I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.

I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

what's the worst thing to say to an emo?

if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.

Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?

A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.

I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.

Government Briefing:

Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...

...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.