I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.
What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?
Suicide squad.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.
What did the rope say to my depressed ass?
~ Hey, you wanna hang?
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...
Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺
Q: What makes depressed kids jump?
A: Bridges.
Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
I got them red Gucci bracelets.
What do you call a group of depressed kids with guns?
The suicide squad.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide squad.
I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:
The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
