What did the rope say to my depressed ass?
~ Hey, you wanna hang?
My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺
Q: What makes depressed kids jump?
A: Bridges.
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...
Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.
I got them red Gucci bracelets.
What do you call a group of depressed kids with guns?
The suicide squad.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide squad.
I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:
The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
What did the orphan say to the crippled man?
I suffer from crippling depression.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.
It’s called Enditol.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.
