Mental Health jokes

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.

When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.

What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?

Tropical depressions.

Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

what's flat and great for cutting? me.

What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?

Concentration camp.

Why can't you kill a depressed person?

Because they are already dead inside.

It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:

Bullys are depressed.

Nerds are depressed.

Bad girls/boys are depressed.

Kind humans are depressed.

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?

My clothes don't hang themselves...

A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"

The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."

A depressed kid tried to give a tree a high-five, but the tree left him hanging.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

Are you suicide? Because you are always on my mind.

You know what an emo gets for his birthday? A rope.

What do apples and depressed kids have in common?

They both hang on trees.