Mental Health jokes
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
What do you call a group of depressed people? The Suicide Squad.
Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
This isn't really a joke, but I HAVE PTSD, YAY! :)
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
A depresso espresso.
JK.
It's cyanide.
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
What do you call a depressed a cappella group?
Self-Harmony.
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.
Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.
(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
What do apples and depressed kids have in common?
They both hang on trees.
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
What did I say to the bridge?
Bye, bridge.
Emos are so predictable: sleep, eat, cut, repeat.