Lil Jimmy:hey doc Doctor:hi sorry but I can’t see u any more Lil Jimmy:why Doctor: because Lil Jimmy I’m a family doctor your an orphan Lil Jimmy:👁👄👁🖕
My grandma was telling me to be positive. As i was going in for an aids test
The best part about being a medical student is, you will never run out of jokes..
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
Why is it you donate one kidney you're a hero but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!" "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days."
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
A Doctor walks into his office and look his paitent in the eyes "Sir you have to stop Jerking off." The Man ask "Why?" The Doctor then says "Because im trying to examin you."
So little Johnny was waking to the bath room and he said grandma said why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help
TRUE STORY!
X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen. I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her! Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!
when you were born your mom said you were out of bounds so you went flying out of the hospital
To the guy who stole my depression medication, I hope you're happy
what is the perfect job for a paedophile
a physical doctor for kids
*in the hospital* paralyzed kid : I'm out *walks out the room* blind kid : you can walk?! mute kid : you can see?! deaf kid : you can talk?! doctor : wut the f(beep)k
(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)
What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?
The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing then his friend calls and he is groaning he said he was having cramps so the husband tell the docter "doc turn it up to 40%" so he does and his friend throws up so he said "doc turn it up to 100%" and his friend dies
Why is a sick person and California similar? They tend to burn up.
