ME jokes

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."

The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"

The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"

"Yellow and far apart."

Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"

A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"

I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun... Then it dawned on me.

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

I can hear the whole world booing me.

Website: Submit a joke :-)

Me: My life.

What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?

It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.

Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.

Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.

Father: "I don't trust you. You poured your seed in my daughter's belly."

Son: "But Paah, you can't fire me."

Father: "You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you."

Mom: Wake up!

Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...

Mom: Why are you disappointed?

Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...

The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."

I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.

My ex-wife still misses me...

BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!

Guys go to this link......................................................................................https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/5b3937c1a328f6072c316bd6/hey-guys-who-wants-to-play-roblox-with-me-we-can-go-om-cool-maps-my-name-is-xx_robloxgamer420_xx-pleeease-lets-play-rol......................................................................and read it bum. Don't dislike cuz it'd retarded.