ME jokes
Will someone play Roblox Adopt Me with me?
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?
A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"
The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Do you want a piece of me!!!"
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.
Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA
What do butts say?
"Help me, I'm getting wiped clean!"
Me: Hey you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong.
Trashy pig woman: Why?
Me: Because you smell like fart and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.
Me: "Hey, you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong."
Trashy pig woman: "Why?"
Because you smell like fart, and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.
You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.
Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.
Me: I can only see fat.
One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.
I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...
“Are you still holding the ladder??”
The clock struck one!
Then down did come!
Hickory dickory doc
What am I?
Random- a mouse?
Me- no dumb shit!
Random- what is it?
Me- the guillotine!
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
Did you hear about the elephant with no nose?! Me neither.
Me nan.
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite!
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.
Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: I hate your hair color, though.
Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you dead.
R.I.P.
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: F*** you, pedophile!
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch!
Woman: How dare you!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying "I AM KING OF THE WORLD!"
Bowser ordered his Goomba guards to arrest me because I wrote graffiti on the walls saying "The Koopalings are evil!" "Kill the Koopalings!" and "Down with the Koopalings!"