ME jokes
Free blacks in the Civil War is the same as me drawing a reverse card in Uno.
Me: Opens the window to get some fresh air.
Everyone else on the plane: 😟...😱
A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.
Son: Mom, is it possible to make a strawberry cake for me?
Mom: No, that's impossible.
Son: But it is possible for your secret boyfriend, right?
Mom: No, no, please don't tell your dad. I will make a strawberry cake for you.
Son: Daddy has already tasted your sweet strawberry cake, so because of that, I felt jealous ^_^
Teacher: Tell me what's the solution of this equation? 30g + 24y + 15a - x^3 = 0
Student: 69 gay = xxx
Teacher: You're out!!!
Student lies down on the floor, and then teacher starts f...ing him ^_*
😂😂😂😂
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.
This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?
Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!
We are drunk at the party. There was an ass-ton of drunk girls there with me.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!
My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!
You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."
I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?
Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"