ME jokes

My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.

*at school*

Nobody: Do you want nuts?

Me: Wait, you have some?

Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.

Me: :0

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

Your hairline reminds me of a car taking a U-turn.

"Me fa so?"

I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.

"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."

I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.

Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.

Me: How do you know that?

"Me lava you sooo much, cutie cake. I know I'm so so so cuteee. Lava you girl... ummmma ummmaaa. I know where you liveee kutty."

"Me so cutie right?"

herishy, my little sissy dont report me.

Did you fart, cause you blew me away?

One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

Elementary school kids: School is fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.

For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Friend: Why?

Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.