Marriage jokes

Why was the people's wedding so miserable...

'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.

How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.

FEW!!!!!!!

What can't a sniper say to his wife?

"I missed you."

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

I turned gay because my wife is too poor.

"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?

A hoe hoe hoe.

Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?

Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.

What do you call a pig in a blanket?

My wife on a cold day.

Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.

I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was tiers.

Two antennas got married. The ceremony dragged on, but the reception was excellent.

My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!

Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?

Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!

Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?

A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.

What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?

The last names after marriage!