Marriage jokes

My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.

I said, "Maybe."

I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.

"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?

A hoe hoe hoe.

Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?

Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.

What do you call a pig in a blanket?

My wife on a cold day.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was tiers.

Two antennas got married. The ceremony dragged on, but the reception was excellent.

My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!

Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?

Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!

Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?

A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.

What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?

The last names after marriage!

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

Why did God create sex for marriage?

Because he wanted more people and less fun.