Marriage jokes

How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.

FEW!!!!!!!

What can't a sniper say to his wife?

"I missed you."

Why was the people's wedding so miserable...

'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.

Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.

I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.

Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?

Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.

What do you call a pig in a blanket?

My wife on a cold day.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.

One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."

"How many men does your wife have?"

"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.

What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?

A hoe hoe hoe.

I turned gay because my wife is too poor.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

Two antennas got married. The ceremony dragged on, but the reception was excellent.

My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!

What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?

The last names after marriage!

Why did God create sex for marriage?

Because he wanted more people and less fun.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.