Marriage jokes

What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?

The last names after marriage!

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

Most of his Taliban friends have more wives than teeth.

Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?

Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!

Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?

A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

I turned gay because my wife is too poor.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

Angelina Jolie was married to Brad Pitt...

Does that make her a "Brad Nailer", and him a "Jolie Jumper"?

Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.

I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.

"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

Mayonnaise marry me?

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

Why do Indians marry cows? Because they bathe in milk.

I always say I'm single, which annoys my wife.

A Chinese teacher's phone rang as he was going to class, and he said:

"My phone the ring ring, it's my wife ring ring."

Why do brides wear white?

So they match the kitchen appliances.

Who did yo mama marry?

Joe Mama.

Your mom laughs at your father, because he has an ugly wife.