Marriage jokes

What’s worse than banging your sister?

Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.

I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”

The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

Most of his Taliban friends have more wives than teeth.

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?

The last names after marriage!

Why did God create sex for marriage?

Because he wanted more people and less fun.

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?

Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!

Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?

A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

Angelina Jolie was married to Brad Pitt...

Does that make her a "Brad Nailer", and him a "Jolie Jumper"?

What do you call a pig in a blanket?

My wife on a cold day.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?

Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.

What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?

A hoe hoe hoe.

The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was tiers.