My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?
He had an affair with Alexa.
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
Mayonnaise marry me?
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.
What do you call Holly and Elenji?
A couple.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
My sex life.
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
What is black, white, and red all over?
My third wife.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
What happened the night Stephen Hawking came home wasted?
Nothing... wife couldn’t tell.
What does Stephen King call his wife...
The black hole.
