you know i got attacked by a man with cheese and a bit of milk. how dairy!!

A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says “that is mother teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied”. “There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice.” “Where is Donald Trump’s?” Ask’s the man. Jesus answers “it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan.”

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one day i asked my mom where kids came from— she said the man who went to the milk store

5 years later he came back— and left again

People are fighting in a war and a man gets hit 4 times in the arm and says "Tis a Scratch" And the other guy looking at him in shock says “A Scratch, Your Arm is off your body!!”

People are fighting in a war and a man gets hit 4 times in the arm and says "Tis a Scratch" And the other guy looking at him in shock says “A Scratch, Your Arm is off you body”

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about making a horrible sound. The bartender says “Hey, looks like he can’t play that!”, and the octopus says, “Play it? As soon as I get it’s pajamas off, I’m gonna fuck it!”

Once upon a time there was a poor man, a middle class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said “I found happiness through money and all of my assets.” The middle class man said “I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household.” The poor man said “I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me.” And then the wall fell on them.

Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn’t see that well

Yo mama’s so fat, a man has to bring climbing equipment to kiss her on the check

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”

Im lonely but all i have is my Cheeseburger but what is the matter of liveing if you only have one thing… but a Cheeseburger is ALL YOU NEED CAUSE IT HAS 1000000000000 BUCKS MAN SO I CANT JUST TAKE IT AND SPEND IT WHERE EVERY I WANT.

How do u find a blind man on a nude beach

It’s not hard

why did the man cross the road…?

because he wanted to :) :) :)

Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”

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Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”

I used to have a girlfriend, who would argue with me a lot for no reason, I look at her feet and say to her, here is £15 give yourself a foot pedicure then come back to me it clearly shows you have man feet, you are a woman you should have woman feet, no wonder you boss me around too much as if your the man of the house.

So this woman woke up since she had a bad dream and was yelling about her bad dream then in the bed her husband woke up and said “Hey You Just Woke Me Up In A Sweet Dream” she said “Oh Sorry Babe” then she asked him what was his about then he responded like “I was with a woman me and her was in the middle of dreamy sex you just ruined it” she said “AAAAh” he asked her what her dream was about then she replied as “I was trying to suck a mans Penis and A cock trying to get cumpiee out of it”!

Man walks in to the doctor He says” doctor I need a new butt mine has a crack in it” Doctor-how many time do I have to tell you!!!

A American goes on a British bus after being in war he wants to sit down so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down but there is a old woman on the seat with her dog in the next the man says will you move your dog the lady says oh you Americans always so demanding and she says to sit some where else he goes through and finds no seats so now he at the back again this time he throws the dog out the window and sits down the man in front says you Americans always do things wrong first yoy drive on the wrong side of the road then hold you knife and fork wrong and you threw the wrong bitch out the window

Q)What do you call Iron Man when he can’t swim ? A) Robert Drowney JR.