Man jokes
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?
Sit down and shut up.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you..."
What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.