Make jokes
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."
When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
How do you make a baby cry?
You punch it in the face.
What do you call a mushroom that makes music?
A decomposer.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"