your moms like a candy machine she pops out any for anybodu

What do me and a casino machine have in common. It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

What’s the difference between a women and a washing machine? The washing machine doesnt follow you after you put a load in it.

Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle? Son: Why? Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.

What does a Chinese machine gun sound like? “ching chong ching chong tang tang”

What does a Chinese machine gun sound like? “ching chong ching chong tang tang”

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window. When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn’t just walked through the door. The owner responded, “I’m pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food.” When the man looked confused, the owner said; “Windows are nature’s vending machine.”

I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying.

There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!

A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!

I have so many cash machine jokes But none of them seem to work ATM

Why was the washing machine laughing? It was taking the piss out of the knickers

(Credit to Meme Machine)

What’s the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her? They’re both thinking, “Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!”

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…?

The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gague shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun, he said “your crazy!”, I responded “quackers”

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

Their was a enemy with a machine gun. My commander said “Un-arm the enemy”. So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

Solve this equation: a gay boy+a whole lots a drugs

A hyped up f’ing machine

Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.