I love eggs!
I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.
I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.
What is the name of the political party in the United States that was founded in 1971 and has lost a presidential election since 1972, and is more politically corrupted than the man boy love association of America because it is politically motivated?
Libertarian Party.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Quin loves Robin. All he says is "Robin." This isn't a joke; Quin's gay.
The Breakfast Couples: (Bacon) - Don't go bacon my heart.
(Egg) - I couldn't if I fried.
Why does the heart listen to music a lot?
Because it loves feeling the beat.
More about Quinn: He loves Robin. He loves his tight ass. He licks up all his shit after Taco Bell.
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!
Me: But Billy's with her right now.
Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM
Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.
What's Jack's favorite flower? A rose.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.
My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
