Lost jokes

"Welcome to Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last week's loss is this week's sauce."

Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.

When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,

other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."

I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.

Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.

Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.

My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.

Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!

I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.

I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.

What does an orphan and a lost kid have in common?

They have no way home.

What do you call a AK-47 that lost 1 point?

An AK-46.

My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.

We had sex afterwards even though she lost.

Stephen Hawking lost connection to the WiFi.

A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.

The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.

After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."

Why did Steven Hawking die?

He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.

One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.

Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.

Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."

It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.

A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.

Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"

"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA 💣"