What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Location is in London by the way.
One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.
His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?
Tropical depressions.
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
If you really think about it, every market in Africa is a black market.
When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
Because then they would be called bagels! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.
How did I get to Iraq? I ran.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
