Living Will jokes

If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.

Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."

Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"

Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"

Who is the man behind all lives matter?

Michael Jackson.

Where do poor Italians live?

The spaghetto.

Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.

He just moved back in with his mom.

What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?

Tropical depressions.

My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.

The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.

With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.

Two Italian men get on a bus.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

There is a thin line between death and life!

You won't live to see it.....

The Cardiogram will!!

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

Update: I got banned from BIGO Live.

What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?

Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.

Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"

Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"

Don't bother; just try to live in England.

What room does a ghost not want to be in?

The living room.

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."

The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."

The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...

Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?

Doctor: 9... 8... 7...