Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leaf. “Leaf” who? Leaf my house, or else you will regret it. You don’t live here, you dumb idiot! ?!
Living Will Jokes
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.
Why are fish smart?
They live in a school.
Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?
Why are fish smart?
They live i a school.
I lick poo for a living... You?
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
What do you call a Jedi teacher who lives in a forest?
Obi-Wan Canopy
Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.
T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎
Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.
My dignity to live.
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
Long live the quee—Oh wait...
