Living Will jokes

Why do orphans live on buses?

They never have a home to stop at.

What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?

They both live long with dry skin.

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leaf. “Leaf” who? Leaf my house, or else you will regret it. You don’t live here, you dumb idiot! ?!

The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

Why are fish smart?

They live in a school.

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

Why are fish smart?

They live i a school.

I lick poo for a living... You?

What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?

We don't live in their heads.

What do you call a Jedi teacher who lives in a forest?

Obi-Wan Canopy

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.

What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?

They usually don’t live to tell the tale.

Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.

T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎

Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.